If I said you should be pure, what would you think?
Would you understand the physical implication? What about the emotional implication?
The concept of practicing emotional purity is not a common practice. Let’s start by defining what emotional purity means. To be emotionally pure is to be emotionally (mentally) healthy and honest. Having integrity of one’s self – preserved for one’s spouse.
[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]Emotional integrity is to be mentally healthy and honest.[/tweetthis]
I love the use of integrity when defining purity. Integrity is the state of being honest and having strong morale principles; moral uprightness. It’s the state of being whole and undivided.
With that in mind I will be using integrity and purity interchangeably – bringing it to a more commonly defined term.
Emotional integrity comes down this, we have to guard ourselves emotionally and mentally, just as much as we do physically.
Christianity talks so much about the purity of a relationship; where someone saves them-self, physically, for marriage, but that is only one half of the conversation. The second half of the conversation is the emotional integrity of a person, it needs to be protected just as fervently.
We must talk about the ramifications of being involved in a non-marital relationship and what it does to the emotional and mental state of a person, consistently across all stages of life.
We must ask ourselves simple, yet difficult, questions:
Why am I in this relationship?
OR
Why am I looking for a new relationship?
God created relationship for a purpose, and when it comes to intimacy between a man and a woman, it is for the union of marriage – to come together, create life, and do life together.
We shouldn’t go into relationships just to satisfy desires.
I can remember, as a teenager, youth pastors would use the term “urge to merge” and how it must be avoided. Oh, how those were simpler times.
While there are gaping inadequacies in this type of avoidance theory, the principle that these pastors were trying to convey is solid. “You don’t have to act on every urge (desire) in your life.”
We are taught this principle in other areas of our life: nutrition, fitness, work, etc.
A young man’s discipline is an old man’s friend
If you pay the price now, later you will reap the reward of your diligence. This is just the truth and there is no way around it. There is no overnight success or get rich quick scheme that is sustainable and moral. Even the “New Artists” award is given to a musician or band that finally broke into the mainstream music industry – after countless years of practice and playing small gigs. Trust me they didn’t just pick up that guitar yesterday.
Who has heard a variation of these sage words?
“Go to school, learn, and then you will be able to get a job that can provide a good life.”
“Save some of your money, don’t spend your whole paycheck on toys; you will value what you work to gain.”
“Practice your craft, hone your skill, then you will set yourself apart from the other good competitors.”
As a society, we praise success and others hard work, professional sports is a great example. The San Francisco 49ers are the best football team ever and a great example of people putting in the work to achieve success. (of course this is my unbiased Norther California raised opinion) But do they win every game, make the playoffs every season, win all the Super Bowls? YES NO. But they do work hard at their craft.
Each person with the dream of being a professional football player dedicates their life to discipline and hard work in their craft, just for an opportunity to have a chance at greatness.
It’s no different in the business world.
So, where is the disconnect when it comes to our emotional state? We have learned how to be successful in so many areas, but we have accepted a failing grade in our relationships.
According to the CDC, there is a 50% 
divorce rate in the United States of America and marriages are declining. This isn’t even as good as Brian Fantana’s odd’s with the ladies!
We would never accept those odds in business, Yet we have accepted it in our relationships.
Emotional integrity holds the premise that I do not go into an intimate relationship unless I am looking to go into a covenant marriage commitment with that person.
[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]I don’t date for fun – I don’t date for companionship – I don’t date because I am lonely.[/tweetthis]
I date to connect with another person for the purpose that can only be achieved through the combined wholeness of two people’s potential.
A person with emotional integrity says:
“I have saved myself for my mate, not just physically but also emotionally. I am holding onto the fact that I do not want to bring physical, emotional, and mental baggage into my covenant marriage relationship from past relationships. I will bring the truest, healthiest, and most honest version of myself into my future.”
Too often we go into a relationship claiming that we love someone, when truly it is either an infatuation with something I see that I like and I want or it is lust, something I desire and crave. If I will not give up of my self for that person I don’t have true love. If they don’t sacrifice, placing themselves second in the relationship, they don’t truly love me.
[tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true” remove_hidden_urls=”true”]Emotional promiscuity produces discontentment with one’s self[/tweetthis]
With each person I become emotionally connected to I surrender a part of myself to them. When that relationship ends a part of my emotional integrity stays with my former partner. I am left with scared emotions, creating tough barriers, which my future partner must eventually deal with.
The key to every great structure is a strong stable foundation. Our relationships are no different. We need a strong spiritual, physical, and emotional foundation to build a healthy lasting relationship.
What has helped you build a healthy relationship?
How have you worked to build emotional integrity in your life?
Scroll down and leave a comment below, I would love to hear from you.
I enjoyed reading this. In order for me to have built the relationship that you would call healthy, I had to find myself. Taking time from being in relationships to understand me and understand not what I wanted, but what I needed.
I have worked hard to build emotional integrity.
Once again. Good read.
Thanks for the comment and kind words. Glad to hear a piece of your story. Good bless.